Author Topic: Blaze Update, June 2074  (Read 221 times)

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Offline benjem

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Blaze Update, June 2074
« on: February 08, 2018, 04:43:28 AM »
Blaze Fire Manager

Savage Spring Slump Sinks Stolid Silva

Lack of Hitting offsets Weak Pitching

Fans Named as Interim Manager





New Orleans Daily Herald Times Tribune: June 21, 2074

In a late night press conference the Louisiana Blaze announced that Blaze Manager Hector Silva has been fired.

The Blaze started the season strongly, but an abrupt collapse of hitting and pitching sent them into a calamitous nose dive in May and June, with the club sinking to a 31 - 41 record.

“This is no reflection on Hector,” lied assistant GM Gorgon Prose,  “He’s done a great job for us over his long long career with the Blaze. But that career now draws to a close. The front office feels that the club is underperforming, and, you know, blah blah blah, everyone's best interest to make a change and blah blah blah new perspective.”

In a surprise move, Blaze fans have been named interim manager of the club. Fans attending home games and subscribing to the Blazeball Network for road games will have access to SPERLING 2.0,  a smart phone app that will allow them to vote on all decisions of the game in real time. An on-field robo-manager named Sparky will be used to make trips to the mound and challenge umpire calls, as needed.


Offline benjem

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Re: Blaze Update, June 2074
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2018, 04:08:04 PM »


Blaze Celebrate Workplace Safety

10,000 Hour Mark, Or Something Like That

[11 August 2074, New Orleans Bugle Clarion.]  In a season of disappointment, Blaze management yesterday trotted out a shining silver lining. “That’s right,” said Blaze Director of Safety Oliver Timble, “the Louisiana Blaze have now gone over 10,000 hours without a workplace lost-time injury.”

The woe-begotten Blaze, 51-63, have wholeheartedly embraced Timble’s “Safety in ‘74” campaign, and his “Safety is Job One” mantra, which they all wear this season in a colorful sleeve patch. Jorge Cantu has been just one of the big safety success stories this season, racking up 418 at bats despite his reputation as a dainty spring flower.

“I’m not the best outfielder in the world,” Jorge said,” My coaches tell me that all the time. And, you know, to make up for that, like, I used to make all these crazy dives after those fly balls, you know? Or I’d crash up against the wall, or try to block vicious line drives with my body, like it was “so important” to stop that one base hit. I don’t know what I was thinking. The chances of me getting hurt on those sorts of plays, well, it’s really got to be taken account. It should be part of the equation. And so that’s why we had all those Safety inservices, early in the season. And we would all laugh at the time. But now, this season, when I’m out there, right at the crack of the bat, I’m asking myself: is catching that ball really worth it? What’s the score? What inning is it? What are the odds that I can catch it? Is it 80% or better? What if I get hurt? Would it be worth it, in this situation, given the impact on the team for the season? Well, as you can imagine, often times the best thing to do is to play that ball on the first or second bounce, or chase it down after it stops rolling, or forget the ball entirely, and get right into position to get the cutoff throw. I mean, seriously, it’s just a single play in what can seem like an endless season. Do I risk my lucrative career to catch a relatively meaningless fly ball when we’re 10 games out of first and there’s 5 innings left to play? I think we are all just using our heads a lot more this season. And this 10,000 workplace hours without an injury is proof of success.”

While the 10,000 hour mark is a big accomplishment, Timble thinks that the Blaze can do even more. “There have been a lot of studies done on workplace  safety, believe you me, and, when you consider the obscene amount of money we pay even the lowliest of  players, it only makes sense to really consider their safety.

“For example, pitching. Sure a guy can throw 100 miles an hour. But how long can that go on? The wear on a guy’s arm is tremendous. Really, you are just asking for a workplace injury. And let me tell you, Workman’s Compensation is expensive! We all know that. And so, you know, wouldn’t it just be smarter to throw the ball at, you know, like, 75 or 80 miles an hour? Wouldn’t that just make sense? And then have a 20 year career? Rather than a brief but glorious career at 100 miles per hour? And then a sore arm the rest of your life, so that you can’t golf, or pick up your kids, or raise a 16 oz PBR tall-boy to your lips on a hot summer evening? Well, I think we all know the answer to that. I think that’s just common sense. And I think I’m starting to convince some of our pitchers about that.”

« Last Edit: February 19, 2018, 04:10:42 PM by benjem »